Some Rain Must Fall
by mishti
Summary: A fight brings up some hidden issues for Mark and Steve. This was supposed to be a fun story about playful revenge and pranks but changed direction on its own to become a more serious story with a touch of angst.
1. Chapter 1

**Some Rain Must Fall**

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;

Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;

Thy fate is the common fate of all,

Into each life some rain must fall,

Some days must be dark and dreary.

The Rainy Day by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Steve peered warily up at the Beach House, as he calculated his chances of slipping quietly in through his own rarely used entrance, without alerting his father to the fact that he was home. As had become his habit over the last few days, he had delayed at the station as long as he could. Unfortunately, all that the voluntary overtime had achieved was an amazingly clean desk and an enforced two days off – 'as reward for finishing your paperwork Sloan' Captain Newman had said, his eyes gleaming sardonically at the look of dismay the order had evoked. The captain didn't know exactly what was wrong with his best detective – Sloan should have jumped at a chance to enjoy the perfect weather they were having from the beach rather than from within a cramped police station - but the sudden devotion to paperwork certainly deserved to be rewarded appropriately. In any case it had been a very boring and slow couple of weeks in homicide and the Captain strongly believed that his detectives should seize the opportunity to rest up before all this calm came to a stormy end. Thus, despite his best efforts to convince his Captain otherwise, Steve found himself, this Wednesday evening with a two day holiday – in addition to the weekend where he would be on call but not expected to come in to work.

Under other circumstances, Steve would have been delighted. Work was slow, both at the police station and for a change, at the hospital where his father and best friends worked. The weather was just right for surfing and dirt biking and he knew that it would be easy to persuade his dad to take a little fishing trip with him, if he so wanted. And there was the crux of the problem – his dad. A few months earlier Mark had suffered from a broken leg, necessitating the introduction of a homecare nurse into the Beach House. Nurse Sudie had been working at Community General and had taken a good look at Mark and decided that he was the answer to her romantic prayers. To cut a long story short, Steve was forced to hire her to look after his father while he was convalescing at home – earning Mark's very vocal wrath, as a result. Even after Mark had no longer needed her services, Sudie had accepted a job at a neighbour's house and often dropped in to see Mark and reassure herself that he was 'managing without her'. Despite Mark's frequent threats of dire vengeance, Steve had been unable to hide his amusement at the situation and had teased his father over his apparent irresistibility to women.

Then about ten days ago, it had all gone wrong. It was the day of the annual Community General picnic.

'Thank God you're here!' Mark sounded more frazzled than Steve would have expected. Normally, Mark loved the picnics and was a warm and well loved figure, entertaining the children of the hospital staff with his magic tricks and enchanting older family members with jokes, tap dancing and little song bursts. If anything, it was Steve who was generally a little nervous at such occasions, never quite sure what his father would talk him into helping with. One memorable time when he had cajoled his son into acting as a target for the egg throwing booth came instantly to mind. And there was the infamous magic trick with the swords – though that was in the hospital rather than at a picnic. Still Mark knew he could talk Steve into pretty much anything and he volunteered his son's help generously at all such gatherings. This year Steve had promised himself that he would be firm and just keep saying no – a firm, no-nonsense, no arguments no! Mark's evident agitation however, broke through his resolve. 'What's wrong Dad?' He asked solicitously. 'Anything I can do to help?'

'Yes, Steve. I've just had a call from the hospital – one of my patients has had a couple of seizures. She's been stabilised but I really need to go in and check up on her, both for my own peace of mind as well as her husband's. I need you to take my place here making sure that everything goes smoothly.' He held up his hand to stop Steve's instinctive protest. 'Jesse is looking after the food and Amanda has organised a clown and games for the children. But we need someone to make sure that everyone is enjoying themselves and no one feels left out. So just mix around – tell a few jokes – smile a lot … that's all you have to do.'

'I'll try dad' Steve sounded doubtful even to himself. It wasn't that he couldn't do all those things; it was just that the families were used to his father's unique style and Steve knew that he would only disappoint as a substitute. Mark smiled at him, relieved.

'Come on, Steve, it's only for an hour or so' he mocked gently 'didn't your parents ever teach you to socialise? It'll be a snap. Oh and don't forget to enjoy yourself as well. I'll be back in a couple of hours'.

'Now where have I heard that before' Steve grumbled back 'oh yes, that's what you say just before you disappear for the whole day' As his father laughed, heading towards the car park, he couldn't resist shouting after him 'And there's quite a lot of stuff that my parents never taught me, dad!' Getting only the sound of renewed and distant chuckling in response, he turned away to gaze apprehensively across the picnic crowd.

Actually the reality had turned out far better than Steve could have imagined. A quick bantering exchange with Jesse in front of a small but appreciative audience of staff and family got him into the right frame of mind. Unconsciously basing his conversational style on various memories of watching his father socialise over the years, he found himself enjoying the response from all those he talked to. Hearing a slightly amazed Jesse comment to Amanda 'hey look who turned into Mark Junior', gave him a strange sort of pleasure. All his life he had been the solid reliable and more taciturn foil to his father's conversational enthusiasms. He could joke around with close friends but he didn't have Mark's outgoing personality and the warmth that endeared him to total strangers. To be suddenly even moderately successful at emulating Mark's style was heady. It was the novelty of the sensation that proved to be his subsequent downfall. Carried away by his success in making people laugh, he found himself relating some funny bits of the Sudie-Mark episode. The hospital staff, who knew both the principle actors well, were delighted. And Steve found himself the centre of attention as he pulled out a few of the more embarrassing gems from the 'relationship' for their consumption.

By the time Mark returned, the food had been served and everyone's attention had shifted to focus almost exclusively on pizzas and hamburgers and ribs from _Bobs_. It was not till the lunch was finished that Mark discovered that his friends and colleagues were surprisingly knowledgeable about Sudie's pursuit of him as a potential husband. He laughed away a host of teasing comments through the rest of the picnic, but his gaze when it rested on his son, was grim. Effortlessly recognising the danger signals, Steve tried to invite Jesse and Amanda home to act as buffers, but Jesse had a date to get to, and Amanda was due back at work for a late shift.

It had been a long time since Steve had been on the receiving end of Mark's wrath. Mark rarely lost his temper and almost never with his beloved son. Unlike Steve's more explosive outbursts, Mark got cold and icy, his diction more precise and his words sharp enough to sting badly. That night he told Steve exactly what he thought of his having held up poor Sudie for ridicule in front of her erstwhile colleagues.

'I don't mind being the butt of jokes, Steven, but you had absolutely no right to turn that poor woman's life into a joke. You know, I shouldn't have to remind you of all people that having feelings for the wrong person isn't funny – or have you conveniently forgotten your own record in that respect?'

Having rendered his son speechless, first with guilt and then with ever growing resentment, Mark erected an uncharacteristic wall of chilly disapproval and retiring behind it, immersed himself in work from the hospital for the rest of the evening. Steve was left to work his anger out first in a long run on the beach and then at the punching bag in the gym.

By the next morning, however, Mark had recovered his customary good temper. Ever since Steve had first joined the Police Academy, he had made it a rule not to let Steve leave the house with angry words between them. The fight with Carol that resulted in eight years worth of silence had only strengthened his resolve to not make the same mistake with his son. Steve, on his part, too was very aware that if he left things as they were, he might never get a chance to make up with his father. Years ago, a friend of his from his academy days had taught him that lesson the hard way. As Pete lay dying from a stab wound, his last words had been a desperate attempt to convey an apology and love to his wife of three months, with whom he had fought the night before. Fighting tears at the funeral, a much younger Steve promised himself that he would not make the same mistake with his parents and Carol. Well, now his mother was dead and he had broken his promise with Carol, but he knew even through his still smouldering resentment, that it would devastate Mark if he died while on bad terms with his father.

The fight was resolved but not forgotten. Over the next few days, Mark went out of his was to normalise things with Steve, and Steve did his best to get over his own anger. He was ashamed at sharing details about Sudie's feelings for Mark to get a few laughs, but he was also bitter about the scolding he had received for it. Not only had Mark yelled at him as if he were a teenager instead of a full grown adult, some of the things he had said had hit a nerve. In addition, he was well aware that Mark was still facing a lot of teasing especially from Jesse, and that he wasn't ready to completely let his son off the hook for that. It would not come up in any subsequent fight – Mark had said all he was going to on that subject – but he would get his revenge in some fashion. Steve and Jesse pranked each other all the time but they rarely included Mark and Amanda in their pranks. Neither was a safe subject because they had excellent track records at getting revenge, and very embarrassing revenge at that. A long time ago, Steve had had occasion to read his father his rights after his father had committed a breaking and entering offence. It had been both a joke and warning to get his father to stay away from unsafe meddling in murder. Not only had that end not been achieved, Mark had got his revenge a few weeks later when he had invited himself over to Steve's precinct for lunch and reminisced loudly and publicly over Steve's toddler photos. The one of Steve as an almost three year old playing naked in the garden had done the rounds of the precinct for days, before becoming a centrepiece on the recreation area bulletin board. No, Steve was very sure that he hadn't heard the last of the picnic fiasco.

Coming back to the present, Steve sighed as he realised that there was no chance that he could successfully avoid Mark for long. The Sloans were in the habit of eating dinner together whenever they were both home, and since the fight ten days ago, Mark had worked harder to ensure that tradition. Not even Steve's recent late nights in the office had deterred him. Whereas in other times, he might have eaten without waiting for Steve to come home, in the last few days, Mark had made it a point to hold dinner. Steve knew it was his father's way of apologising for having had to 'lay down parental law'. Unfortunately between a lingering resentment over that and a wary caution regarding possible reprisals from Mark, Steve was in no mood to spend much time with his father. Jesse and Amanda were no help. Amanda outright refused to intervene, having seen for herself that something was a little amiss between Steve and Mark. Jesse, more oblivious, had spent the entire time on his last visit, teasing Mark on the Sudie entanglement as he referred to it. Since it only raised bad memories, Steve had been only too thankful when Jesse's new girlfriend demanded all of his attention outside the hospital.

As Steve had predicted, Mark called out a greeting as he finally let himself into the house. 'Late again son – your captains really been working you hard hasn't he? Anyway, dinners ready whenever you are' Marks voice was determinedly cheerful. All through dinner, as he had for the last few days, Mark kept up a cheerful commentary on his patients and on the hospital gossip. Steve joined in as normally as he could but both father and son were well aware that their interaction these days was not as comfortable as it generally was. And neither was quite sure how, or even whether, the constraint between them could be lifted.


	2. Chapter 2

Mark sighed a little as he finished loading the dishwasher. He was at a loss how to deal with the situation. On the one hand he didn't regret the need for the scolding – Steve had certainly deserved it – but on the other, he wished that he could take back some of the things that he had said. Also Steve was no child to be chided in that fashion and Mark recognised that he had overstepped some bounds that night. While on the surface, they had settled the whole issue next morning with both of them apologising to the other, Mark was well aware that Steve had not wholly forgiven or forgotten. Steve was generally so even tempered with those he loved that it was easy to take his forgiveness for granted. However both Steve and Carol had inherited their mother's fiery temper and Mark's stubbornness, a combination that could sometimes make it difficult to let go of grudges, and it appeared that this was one of those relatively infrequent times in Steve's life. It had been ten days and Steve was still avoiding his company. He had thought out a really nice prank on Steve in revenge for having had Sudie foisted on him and then having to live with his colleagues humorous references for the last few days, but until things normalised, there was no way in which he could take the chance that it wouldn't further strain their relationship.

'Dad' Steve's slightly hesitant voice intruded on his reflections, sending immediate warning bells off on his parental alarm system. That was the voice that Steve had always used when talking about a decision that he was not sure his parents would approve of – like volunteering for a tour of duty in Vietnam.

'Captain Newman gave me a couple of days off and I was thinking of going camping early tomorrow morning.' It had been an option that he had explored earlier while driving home but put aside because it made him feel a little cowardly running off rather than confronting his father and clearing the air between them. However, Steve had had enough of the awkwardness over dinner and had come to the sudden decision that it would be simpler to spend his days off camping rather than stay at the Beach House and look for ways to avoid his father or endure four days of similar awkwardness.

'By yourself? Or are you taking Jesse with you?' Mark tried hard to keep the hurt out of his voice. Not only had Steve not mentioned the days off till now, he had made no effort to include his father in any way. There had been a fishing trip that they had been talking about and another one to a resort owned by Mark's patient – but of course those discussions were all held before The Picnic.

'Nah … Jesse's busy with Eva – you know how he's always complaining he doesn't get enough time with her. This is just going to be me and a nice camp somewhere in the forests.'

'Steve, you know it isn't safe for you to go camping by yourself. Suppose you get hurt or fall ill or …'

'Nothing will happen, dad' This time Steve's voice was determined – his 'I'm going to do this so just accept it' voice. 'I've been camping alone before and I'll have my phone in case of emergencies. Don't worry, and I'll say bye now, dad since I intend to leave early in the morning.'

Faced with what seemed to him to be an ultimatum (however unintentional) of sorts, Mark made up his mind in a hurry. He was not going to let Steve go off like this without making every effort to resolve the clouds hanging over their normally excellent relationship. The time had come to take direct measures. He wiped his hands on the kitchen towel and used his own 'this is going to happen voice' - 'I need to talk to you Steve. Shall we go for a walk on the beach?'

'I don't have time, dad. I have to pack and I want to get in an early night.' It was a valiant attempt but Steve saw almost immediately that it was doomed to fail. His father had his most determined look and truth to tell, in an odd sort of way, Steve was happy that his father was forcing the issue. He had missed Mark, his company and their comfortable interactions. There was also the hope that if things improved then he wouldn't have to take off on his own – a trip with his father would be so much better. 'Fine dad, if a walk is what you want then we'll go for a walk.' It was ungracious but he saw no reason to make it easier – this strain was all his father's fault after all.

For the first ten minutes they just walked quietly. Mark was searching his mind for the right words and Steve found both the ocean and his father's quiet presence soothing some of the resentment inside him. When Mark finally began to talk, it was at an apparent tangent.

'You know, after my father left – well died, as I recently discovered – my mother was left to bring all three of us by herself. She was a very brave woman, Steve, and a fighter. She struggled hard to make sure that we had a decent life and access to as many opportunities as we needed to make something of ourselves. She never lacked for dates but she never really took time off from looking after us to pursue her own happiness. I think that perhaps she was afraid of being hurt again, or maybe no one ever lived up to the memory of my father - I don't know. What I do know is that on many nights, after she thought we were all asleep, sometimes I could hear her crying. It used to break my heart but I didn't know how to comfort her, so I would stay where I was and pretend to be asleep' Mark stooped to pick up a pebble, examining it briefly before throwing it out to sea. Steve waited impatiently; his father rarely talked about those days.

After a brief pause, Mark continued, his voice deep and contemplative. 'As I grew older, I realised that she was lonely. And I promised my self that I would do my best to fill that gap for her as well as make sure that I never had occasion to feel that way. It was one of the reasons your mother and I had such a short courtship period. She was seeing someone else when I met her and we fell in love. I was struggling with medical school and my debts. We could have easily taken more time to think about where we were going, but I wanted a commitment – that I would have a family in my life to love and hold for the rest of my life.' He stopped and smiled at Steve. 'It sounds funny doesn't it, especially given Katherine's death and Carol's self-imposed exile. But it was what I wanted so badly in those days. And I thought I had it – first with our marriage and then when you and Carol were born. They weren't easy years financially or even professionally sometimes, but I always felt so fulfilled, so rooted – until your mother got cancer.' He stopped again as the memories rushed in, stealing his ability to speak.

Father and son walked on in silence. Steve was fighting his own memories and he knew to leave Mark alone to collect his thoughts and emotions. His own resentments had vanished – they seemed trivial beside the despair that they had both felt over his mother's illness and subsequent death. The memories of those days were kept buried deep within himself - even deeper than the memories from Vietnam or the worst days of his job. There had been times following his mother's death that Steve had been sure he would lose his father as well and today, he couldn't begin to imagine the depth of pain evoked in Mark from remembering some of the darkest days of his life.

After a while though, his very courageous father began again 'Afterwards, when everything was over, I used to wish sometimes that it had been the other way around – that I had died and Katherine had lived'. Hearing Steve's suppressed gasp, he reached out and gently placed a hand on his son's back. 'But then I would think about how alone I felt and how much just living hurt, and I would remember my mother crying … I couldn't have wished that on anyone else least of all your mother. Of course over time, things got better and I had both my children to remind me of all the good things I still had left. But, Steve, I've never forgotten what that kind of despair means.'

Mark stopped and turned towards his son, placing his hands on Steve's shoulders. This was the crux of what he wanted to tell Steve and he needed the contact to get his message through as clearly as possible. 'I think that's why I reacted so badly that day, Steve. I know I've grumbled and complained about Sudie and laughed with you over your jokes and insinuations. But somewhere in the back of my mind, is the memory of what loneliness does to people – and I can't bear the thought of Sudie being laughed at by her colleagues for trying to alleviate that loneliness.'

Seeing the sudden horrified understanding on his son's face, he let his hands drop away, feeling a deep sense of relief that he had managed to get through to Steve and perhaps repair some of the damage done ten days ago. ' I didn't even know why I was so angry then, but I've had a lot of time to think since then – and I realised that I was thinking of how my mother would have felt if something like this had ever happened to her. Maybe it did – maybe that's the reason she couldn't bring herself to take seriously someone else's offer of love or marriage.' He stopped again, forcing himself to concentrate on the present and not on the past.

'I'm sorry Steve for saying some things that I knew would hurt you.' The sincerity in Mark's voice broke through the guilt gripping Steve. 'Don't dad, please' Taking a deep breath Steve forced his whirling thoughts into order. His father had taken the lead in apologising, had been painfully honest about feelings that he normally hid, and now Mark deserved the same honesty and courage from his son. 'You were right and I was wrong that day' Steve felt lighter for having finally admitted that. But there was still more to say.

'I was so carried away by the fact that they liked me that I didn't stop to think of the implications of what I was saying'.

'Hold on son, back up a minute' Mark sounded puzzled. 'What did you mean because they like you? Everyone likes you – they always have. In school you were always so popular and all our friends have always commented on what a wonderful son you are. You still have friends from your stints in Vietnam – your present friends and colleagues all like respect you – so where did this come from?'

'Dad they like me because I'm a reliable and reasonably well mannered kind of guy – a good friend type'

'And that's bad, how?' Mark was still puzzled, though he couldn't resist teasing his son a little 'Of course it could also be because you're – now how did Carol's friend Liz so crudely put it? – Ah yes, the hunk with a to- die- for face and butt!'

He watched with great interest, as Steve instantly blushed a whole new shade of scarlet. 'Dad! Stop that – that was years ago – will you please let it rest?'

'I'm sorry Steve, but I have a really good memory and that's one gem that I'm never going to forget. And now that I think about it, I've never told Jesse that story, have I?'

'No dad no! The only way that I'll ever let you tell Jesse that story is over my dead body' Steve scowled at his father not in the least moved by Mark's reproving look. As much as to distract Steve as to keep the still fragile peace between them, Mark decided a change of subject was in order. 'So what did you mean then?' he asked trusting his son to follow the rather vaguely phrased question.

Steve was still scowling but this reminded him that he hadn't finished explaining himself. 'I don't mean that people don't like me dad – for various reasons they do! But very few people look at me and see a fun guy, in the same way that they look at you and even Jesse. In fact in some ways, Jess is a better son for you – like you, he's a doctor, bright and a lot of fun to be around.'

'Stop right there.' This was something Mark could not and would not ignore. Steve had spoken in a deliberately light tone, but Mark had heard the underlying insecurity. 'Steve, I love Jesse but he can never be in the same league as you. I don't care if you are a doctor or a beach bum, whether you're funny or not – my love for you isn't based on things like that. Of course it doesn't hurt that you make me proud every single day, by being the kind of man you are. And if being the kind of man you are means being a reliable, very bright but not so funny hunky cop with the to-die-for you- know- whats … then that's just fine with me!'

'Dad' Steve was laughing so hard that he couldn't put the requisite amount of outrage into his automatic protest. Some part of him recognised that the laughter came just as much from the newly restored balance between them, as much as from what his father had said. Of course he had always known that Mark loved him very deeply – but some tiny seed of insecurity had just been washed away by his father's unorthodox way of reassuring him. Even knowing that there was no way that Jesse was not hearing all about Liz, couldn't shake his sense of peace and contentment.

Reaching out to put his arm around Mark's shoulder, he smiled affectionately down at his father's face 'So dad, I have a couple of days off – want to go fishing?'


End file.
